Old People

Old people who say they don’t know how to use technology are stupid. Right now I am G-Chatting with my 83-year-old grandpa. He was using the internet before I was.

Edit: Or, right now I’m G-Chatting with my 12-year-old brother on our grandpa’s account. TRICKED.

5:46 PM Grandpa: Hello Annie, this is your grandpa. How’s your new apartment?

me: hi grandpa!

it is nice but we don’t move in until september!

5:47 PM Grandpa: I remember when I was your age I lived in an apartment!

me: in jamaica plain?

5:48 PM Grandpa: No in San Diego California

me: i didn’t know you lived in san diego!

5:49 PM Grandpa: Yes I lived there from age 21 to 24

5:50 PM im just kidding! this is really jonathan!

me: JONATHAN.

Grandpa: lol out loud

Whatever. I still stand by my point that old people who don’t adapt to technology are stupid. Just like I will be stupid when I don’t let my grandchildren drive me around in their hybrid hover-cars. If cars still exist.

What’s worse: graduation, or the year after?

12:50 PM me: on a scale of1 to 10, how pathetic is your life if you eat stale peeps [from easter] ?

12:52 PM Rachel: -5

some ppl say they taste better stale

think of it as a delicacy

12:53 PM me: like those hundred-year-eggs that are all the rage in china!

12:54 PM Rachel: YEAH

its kind of like, welcome to high class

So in college you eat stale pizza from out of the garbage, or maybe stale chicken wings that have been left out all day [true stories, both.] and a year after your illustrious graduation wherein you were going to Change The World And Simultaneously Find Thine Self Abroad, you are clearing your impossibly messy [seriously: how do I let this happen?] room of its empty beer bottles and cigarette cartons whilst contemplating your gainful unemployment and ways to make money beyond stimulus packages [oh yeah, your roommate still owes you money from four months ago!!] and eating stale peeps from Easter.

We lead a charmed life, don’t we?

I know it’s trendy to hate Facebook

..but I fucking hate Facebook.

11:26 AM me: i really hate that ‘people you may know’ feature on facebook

11:27 AM Alex: really?

it helped me find some people

me: because it’s all people i’ve defriended

Alex: ahahahahahahahaah

me: i really hope i don’t show up in theirs

thats so disconcerting

theyll know that i found them dull and uninteresting

11:28 AM Alex: haha i’m glad my facebook profile has managed to fascinate you for so long

me: oh not their profiles, as people

they were dull and uninteresting

11:29 AM Alex: ohhh ok

11:30 AM me: anyway, it turns out that i shouldnt have defriended them because now ben dwertman has more friends than i do on facebook

11:31 AM Alex: oh man annie

in some ways we’re so alike

and in others so different

and

11:32 AM Allison: i got refriended by someone i defriended

me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

bah humbug! I’m going to go play Scrabulous and check my NewsFeed to see if I made it into anyone’s “Favorite Quotes”.

[This post is dedicated to Genny, fellow facebook lover/hater, and Ben Dwertman, who I promised would not get quoted in my blog. -Ed.]

Judging Partners’ Books

4:39 PM me: the problem with judging peoples’ book collections is that I have way more books than any guy i date

4:41 PM Ben: i hope i’d never get judged on the basis of my reading

 me: i hope i would!!

4:42 PM Ben: yeah, i think you’d stand up well

  i don’t think i’d make a standard grade

 me: well, i do have this one harold bloom book but its from 9th grade

Notes from the white-collar ghetto, Pt. 1

9:26 AM me: HAHAHAHHA

AMERICA, THIS IS YOUR FUTURE

DRUNK

9:27 AM Genny: HAHAHAHA

me: it is retarded how much beer i drink

Genny: It definitely is. I feel like I weenie college student but whatever

me: I HAVE A BACHELORS DEGREE

IM GOING TO DRINK

Genny: LOL

9:28 AM how many drinks did you have last night?

me: its because we’re ambitious young scholars who somehow got caught in a white collar ghetto

Genny: i mean, i don’t know about you but i work for the weekend. pathetic

me: oh ive been ultra lghtweighty because ive been sick but probably 4 or 5 beerz

Genny: a white collar ghetto

HAHAHAHAHA

me: enough to blur vision and for me to raise my decibel level to a very unladylike proportion

9:29 AM and absolutely i work for the weekend but most weeks i am drinking beerz by wednesday night, at least

9:30 AM Genny: yeah, i stopped counting my beers.

i drank for 5 hours

by 6

me: the day of the week that i start drinking is inversely proportional to how hungover I got the prior weekend.

we should write a blog post about this

Overheard on my G-Chat:

tania: i miss him too

me:

our world is changing

9:06 PM tania: yeah but i bet you will be able to buy cuban cigars in the states in the next 5 years

me: haHA!

TRUE DAT

tania: cuban products: here they come.

what do they even have to offer us?

9:07 PM it is all probably so good

me: more che posters!!

tania: HA HA HA

me: because college students in the us dont have enough!!

[re: da newz]

Overheard on my G-Chat:

11:55 AM Jason: haha i love missed connections

  “b train girl with a nose ring (allston)”

  THATS LIKE SAYING “human”

[in response to this guy, who posts every day. I'm starting to flag him. I'm a Craigslist Vigilante.]