So. Due to my Father’s endless gift/penchant for what we Arabs like to call wasta [yes, you can take this sentence to mean that, as Hall's proverbial de-centered subject, I- on occasion- self-identify as Arab], a cooler word for connections, he landed a job with the perks [and pitfalls?] of occasionally canoodling with Saudi royalty. Me? As an aspiring scholar of this particular “region” [<3 'Balkanization' !! ...thumbs down] my academic focus swerves towards those less privileged, particularly religious minority groups and refugee communities, namely in my hometown of Cairo, Egypt. On occasion, when I’m feeling particularly altruistic [towards myself] and unusually non-bitchy, I might even deign to call myself a class warrior [this term, of course, comes with an unusual amount of baggage for me, at once undigging undergrad angst and newly minted petit bourgeois guilt], so my interest in royalty tends to be enthused only by Said Royalty’s physical appeal [funny you should ask, yes Prince William is a hottie] and, more importantly, their clothing.

But, like I said, my dad is gifted in both connection and personality, and so through untold means, was able to land me and Mommy Dearest a spot on the guest list for a reception honoring HRH Prince Al-Waleed Bin Talal, business-owner, Lebanese educated, thrice divorced, and married to the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Yeah, I got to meet a princess, and since the rest of the company was both ugly and poorly dressed [Sorry, Harvard Faculty, but it's true.] got bestowed the surely unique compliment that I was beautiful! Scholarship and unbiased, objective observation aside, this inflated my ego indefinitely [in my defense! I was wearing a really great satin pencil skirt and heels that make my legs look great].

Despite my head reeling from Royalty’s modest compliments and these DUCK-STUFFED CREPES [can you believe I am dating a vegan?], I was able to come away with some observations, both aesthetic and anthropological:

• Prince Al-Waleed’s entourage is [encouragingly] composed of about 75% women. They are all flawless-looking, in that Saudi way that is just so much prettier [me, subjectively speaking, because I know beauty is!] than any white girl I have ever seen. Hair, makeup, etc. And these women had literally just gotten off of a plane. A private jet, but still! I could also go into detail about their perfectly put-together outfits and their GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS SHOES [some were surely custom-made.] but I would probably start drooling and short-circuit my computer.
• Of these women, only one was veiled. As far as the contentious feminist debates on this topic, I am personally, unequivocally pro-choice and pro-veil. However, it was really great to see these women exercising their choice to wear, or not to wear. I would be really interested to see them at home and overseas to see what choices they make and have there.
• In terms of positive roles for women, I wish I could say the same for the Harvard faculty involved in Islamic studies. But I can’t. Shame! Shame on Harvard! I know for a fact, as a frequent student of Islamic studies and varying intersecting disciplines [Anthropology, Arab Studies, Arabic, &c.] that there are an increasing amount of women in this field, so why this stodgy Ol’ Boys’ Club? [and I do mean stodgy. I do believe another reception guest remarked on the humorlessness of this particular group? This statement was not untrue.] It was embarrassing, and my first instinct was ‘Well. Guess I am going to have to become Harvard Faculty some day in order to undo this utter BullShit,’ but second thoughts asked, ‘Why the hell would you EVER want to work with this bunch in the first place? Why not be a professor some day in an open environment where your work might actually mean something?

I think it’s a good challenge for any women who want to pursue this field. Academia is opening up to ladies A LOT, and this fact is really awesome [might I point out blogs such as Bitch PhD. as a starting point?], but the event at large served as a sobering reminder that sexism in academia is still rampant, and made me wonder whether sometimes women pursue terminal degrees in other fields as opposed to Islamic Studies simply because the people involved are total dicks.

Time and again, I’ve definitely thought twice about my love for the Muslim and Arab worlds and how it affects my scholarship, because [blanket statement approaching! I don't care!] most of the dudes who are studying this are, in fact, all-too-often douchebags and apologists and what-have-you. I have brothers, I have male friends, I can deal with guys being annoying. What I can’t deal with is this faux-masculinity that so many scholars puff themselves up with. Newsflash: if you have your PhD in Islamic Jurisprudence, you are probably a nerd. And? This renders your constructed masculinity obsolete.

Conclusion? Islamic studies needs some Sass. Ladies? I am counting on you to bring it.

hoooooooah! I love it when people fictionalize early hominid history ["cavemen". hmm.] in order to try to make a case for masculinity. [All you have to watch are the last 20 seconds]

Sometimes I’m embarrassed to self-identify as hetero because of douchebags like this.

In today’s news, the NYT has yet another ‘No SHIT, Sherlock’ moment about Facebook:

But Ms. Meertins, who is looking for work in sales and marketing, has been taken aback by the strangers and ghosts of classmates past who have “friended” her on Facebook. “You have absolutely no idea why they want to be connected to you,” she said, adding that LinkedIn feels more appropriate for job hunting. Still, she said: “Every resource that’s available, you try to use it. You see what washes out.”

Guh. OLD PEOPLE.

If m’boy Jürgen doesn’t win this, then there’s not really a point to the term “Public Intellectual”, now is there?

…Then again, it is Foreign Policy magazine. You wouldn’t be an FP reader if you liked Zizek, and weren’t a toolbag.

Just when I was finally [FINALLY!] coming to terms with my American citizenship, this had to happen.

Seriously? America, you suck!

R. Kelly has a new vid for ‘Hair Braider’

This concludes the April 25th edition of R. Kelly Watch.

My S.O. is a career messenger and got his bike stolen

Purple Zeus track frame
Black and pink Chris King headset
Sugino 75s Time Atac pedals
Cruiser bars
Dura Ace 2 Open Pro Front Wheel
Formula 2 generic deep V rear wheel

ETERNAL GRATITUDE IF YOU KNOW OF ITS WHEREABOUTS

Would that I were that hero who PIED THOMAS FRIEDMAN IN THE FACE.

[Brown Daily Herald via IvyGate]

[Update: There's video- I almost feel bad for him, but as Alex says, it's okay to feel bad for Tom as long as I feel good about him being pied in the face too!]

How many people have you truly loved?
I’ve always wanted the best for everyone in my life. Except for one person: Bombita. She was in the fifth grade with me. She can die.
What?
She was mean. She used to step on my toes, anything to make me mad. I hope she’s a ghetto statistic. And if that keeps me out of Heaven, then so be it.

[OhNoTheyDidn't via Genny]

If I was famous I would make my shit-list public too. In fact, this is the only reason I find fame desirable at all!

Mariah Carey was my first diva-crush. [Can one help it when one is 10 years old and witnessing her father can-can around gleefully to 'All I Want for Christmas'? Nay, one cannot!]

When Robert “Real Talk” Kelly sang ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ in Space Jam, my eyes watered. [Okay, I cried. But only because I was so happy those Looney Toons beat the monsters! Also, the Bugs 'n' Daffy Rap!]

So, it’s no surprise that, to this day, public freakouts and peeing on minors aside, these two are very high ranking in my Pantheon of Pop.

So, when the Party Pit’s Jenny Z. suggested the idea of a Mariah/R. duet [in the wake of Mariah's new MAMAMAZING single Touch My Body] my first knee-jerk instinct was to do what every self-respecting social activist does: Start a Facebook Group!! I know that only 66 other Facebook users besides me currently feel as passionately as I about a collaboration between these two Masters of Pop and the Postmodern Condition [manifesto forthcoming!!], but given that the two considered a duet for Emancipation of Mimi, I have mustered up the little optimism for the world that I have left and channeled it in hopes of hearing the two, together at last.

Well, this is not a duet, but it still brought tears to my eyes. Please enjoy responsibly. Or, irresponsibly.

[Mariah Carey featuring R. Kelly - Touch My Body (Remix)]

[RELATED: R's Upcoming Single KISS YOUR CANDY. In a word, Majestic.]

This concludes the April 21st Edition of R. Kelly Watch.