I know most of the bigwigs whom I know and love and read hate on Keith Gessen a lot but this piece helped further my current malaise. Or rather, maybe it means I have to hate on Keith Gessen too? Whatevs, I hate my life, LIFE’S HARD.

Canoodling with the Prince

So. Due to my Father’s endless gift/penchant for what we Arabs like to call wasta [yes, you can take this sentence to mean that, as Hall's proverbial de-centered subject, I- on occasion- self-identify as Arab], a cooler word for connections, he landed a job with the perks [and pitfalls?] of occasionally canoodling with Saudi royalty. Me? As an aspiring scholar of this particular “region” [<3 'Balkanization' !! ...thumbs down] my academic focus swerves towards those less privileged, particularly religious minority groups and refugee communities, namely in my hometown of Cairo, Egypt. On occasion, when I’m feeling particularly altruistic [towards myself] and unusually non-bitchy, I might even deign to call myself a class warrior [this term, of course, comes with an unusual amount of baggage for me, at once undigging undergrad angst and newly minted petit bourgeois guilt], so my interest in royalty tends to be enthused only by Said Royalty’s physical appeal [funny you should ask, yes Prince William is a hottie] and, more importantly, their clothing.

hoooooooah! I love it when people fictionalize early hominid history ["cavemen". hmm.] in order to try to make a case for masculinity. [All you have to watch are the last 20 seconds]

Sometimes I’m embarrassed to self-identify as hetero because of douchebags like this.

Get used to it, Oldie.

In today’s news, the NYT has yet another ‘No SHIT, Sherlock’ moment about Facebook:

But Ms. Meertins, who is looking for work in sales and marketing, has been taken aback by the strangers and ghosts of classmates past who have “friended” her on Facebook. “You have absolutely no idea why they want to be connected to you,” she said, adding that LinkedIn feels more appropriate for job hunting. Still, she said: “Every resource that’s available, you try to use it. You see what washes out.”

Guh. OLD PEOPLE.

If m’boy Jürgen doesn’t win this, then there’s not really a point to the term “Public Intellectual”, now is there?

…Then again, it is Foreign Policy magazine. You wouldn’t be an FP reader if you liked Zizek, and weren’t a toolbag.

Just when I was finally [FINALLY!] coming to terms with my American citizenship, this had to happen.

Seriously? America, you suck!

R. Kelly Watch: April 25th

R. Kelly has a new vid for ‘Hair Braider’

This concludes the April 25th edition of R. Kelly Watch.

Centurion of the New World Order got pwned!

Would that I were that hero who PIED THOMAS FRIEDMAN IN THE FACE.

[Brown Daily Herald via IvyGate]

[Update: There's video- I almost feel bad for him, but as Alex says, it's okay to feel bad for Tom as long as I feel good about him being pied in the face too!]

Reason #3489 to adore Erykah Badu

How many people have you truly loved?
I’ve always wanted the best for everyone in my life. Except for one person: Bombita. She was in the fifth grade with me. She can die.
What?
She was mean. She used to step on my toes, anything to make me mad. I hope she’s a ghetto statistic. And if that keeps me out of Heaven, then so be it.

[OhNoTheyDidn't via Genny]

If I was famous I would make my shit-list public too. In fact, this is the only reason I find fame desirable at all!

R. Kelly Watch: April 21st

Mariah Carey was my first diva-crush. [Can one help it when one is 10 years old and witnessing her father can-can around gleefully to 'All I Want for Christmas'? Nay, one cannot!]

When Robert “Real Talk” Kelly sang ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ in Space Jam, my eyes watered. [Okay, I cried. But only because I was so happy those Looney Toons beat the monsters! Also, the Bugs 'n' Daffy Rap!]

So, it’s no surprise that, to this day, public freakouts and peeing on minors aside, these two are very high ranking in my Pantheon of Pop.

So, when the Party Pit’s Jenny Z. suggested the idea of a Mariah/R. duet [in the wake of Mariah's new MAMAMAZING single Touch My Body] my first knee-jerk instinct was to do what every self-respecting social activist does: Start a Facebook Group!! I know that only 66 other Facebook users besides me currently feel as passionately as I about a collaboration between these two Masters of Pop and the Postmodern Condition [manifesto forthcoming!!], but given that the two considered a duet for Emancipation of Mimi, I have mustered up the little optimism for the world that I have left and channeled it in hopes of hearing the two, together at last.

Well, this is not a duet, but it still brought tears to my eyes. Please enjoy responsibly. Or, irresponsibly.

[Mariah Carey featuring R. Kelly - Touch My Body (Remix)]

[RELATED: R's Upcoming Single KISS YOUR CANDY. In a word, Majestic.]

This concludes the April 21st Edition of R. Kelly Watch.