“Nasty little men like you always get their comeuppance.”

In these times of great economic uncertainty, aren’t you glad you weren’t a business major? I’m still poor but I feel a lot richer!

AND HEY GUYS, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT I HAVE SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS IN STUDENT LOANS.

K?

…THNX.

D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths

When I have kids this is the first thing I am buying for them. In fact I might go buy it for them NOW. This book changed my life. I think it is important to teach the Classics at an early age because it separates the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. That is, you can teach your kids about the constructed Western canon while Having Fun, and who cares that you’re being called a ‘geek’ and a ‘nerd’ when you’re having fun? Everyone! [shh.]

“Conservative Friends”

You know how sometimes really pig-headed racists and homophobes will try to disqualify their own assumptions by that Famous Statement, “I have black friends, but-” or “I have gay friends, but-“. Well, as a student of anthropology one of the first things I was taught was to be really self-reflective about my varying cultural assumptions and to acknowledge them rather than trying to defend them or ignore them. White privilege is one of the more obvious: I am a product of white privilege, though it may guilt me to address this fact. So, since we’re all products of this-‘n’-that, of somebody else’s oppression or somebody else’s privilege, I am going to come clean and tell you a few qualifiers that I sometimes have used.

-“I have Conservative Friends!” Yeah, like two. And I don’t think they even self-identify as conservative anymore! Well, one does, but she also likes abortion and gay marriage, SO. I guess she’s one of those classic “Fiscal Conservatives” or something.

-“I have a friend who is in a frat!” Do I? Doubt it. I crashed a frat party like six months ago. Does that count? Everyone was at least two years younger than me.

-“I have rich friends who are also nice!” uh, or FRENEMIES.

-“My best friend is gay!” Have I used this one? I don’t remember. Well, she is.

hmmmm.

I just want to point out that though I complain about the recession with frequency, I just caught myself eating:

-Honey and Brie [St. Andre!!] on toast

-Stoned Wheat Crackers

-Green Olives stuffed with Bleu Cheese

Huh. How many indulgences can I use the excuse ‘Well, it’s because I quit smoking’ for?

Wolves Rising

I don’t really like to write about politics, I just like to think about them when I am feeling masochistic [AKA often] and I only like to talk about them whilst making Daily Show style jokes but since I often think of hypothetical situations [i.e. having a pet polar bear, making friends with little bunnies, having my own talk show, &c.] at random I had to share this one.

Say, hypothetically, a McCain-Palin ticket wins. Booing in the streets, etc. Maybe I start up smoking again? Or maybe a newer, more harmful habit? DUNNO. Anyway, they win. The usual neo-con disaster ensues, we miss Laura Bush, etc. About a month or two in, ZOMG, Nation in Mourning, John CROAKS! Cindy is free! Free as a bird! Free from “cunt”-calling oldies! But! We have a new president. Her name is Sarah Palin. How historic! A lady president! Sarah Palin! Mocker of Community Organizers!

Well, Ms. Palin, good luck organizing our COMMUNITY OF THE UNITED STATES!! You just KNOW that bad things come in threes, so: McCain Wins, McCain Croaks, TERROR STRIKES!! We are like soooo f-ed, right!?

Also, if this hypothetical situation should happen, I will wager a PROLETARIAN WOLF REVOLUTION. STORMING THE CAPITAL, HOWLING AT THE MOON. I hope the wolves remember that I am a friend to them. Can anyone outdoors-y offer up why people aerially shoot wolves anyway? Aren’t wolves known to be Friends of the Ecosystem, Integral to the Circle of Life?

Also did anyone catch OH MY EFFING GOD GG last night? Blair Waldorf is my favorite dressed person in all of television and is such a glorious superbitch who I relate to in a really disturbing way.

Nic-Fit 9000

Ok, so I have been smoke free for almost a month, thanks to the Dept. of Public Health and their free patch thing, and also thanks to the exorbitant taxes in MA. My two main gals [roommates and bffs] quit with me, which eliminated one of the most major triggers of all, since none of us were being catalysts for each other. With this said, I STILL REALLY FUCKING MISS SMOKING. Every time the scent of second-hand smoke wafts by my nose, every time I have a beer, every time I go for a walk, every time I see a hottie with a butt in hand, all I can think is that I WOULD BE AN ALL-AROUND HAPPIER PERSON IF I COULD JUST SMOKE A CIGARETTE.

Of course this is not true, it’s just that my ganglion and CNS type nicotinic receptors wondering where the hell their good friend Nicotine went. My reward pathways don’t want to be deactivated, dammit! When I say I miss smoking, I really mean that I miss all that extra dopamine.

Well, anyway, don’t you just wish you could smoke this baby panda?